Exchanges I had at a recent private mobile dj'ing gig:

Can you start getting funky or something? This stuff just isn't working.
What do you mean exactly?
You know, like 50 Cent.
No.

Don't EVER play that again. Everyone hated it.
But they were all dancing.
They're only dancing because there isn't anything else to dance to, and I'm the only one with enough balls to tell you.

Do you have any spanish music?
Salsa? Merengue? Bachata? Yeah, I've got you.
No, I mean reggaeton, that would really set the party off.
(I felt that the glum faced senior citizens lined up on the other side of the room would readily disagree. They came alive when I rocked Al Green, Chaka and Stevie Wonder. I love seeing little old couples dancing together.)

Don't you have any rap?
I don't feel comfortable playing explicit rap lyrics in front of elders.
(I had already played a long set of mainstream hits that lacked rough lyrics, stuff like Faith Evans, Amerie, etc. It went over well. I was still being harassed so I pulled out some clean versions of Snoop, Missy and the like. I got heckled for that: "We're all adults here, don't patronize us!!" Then I played some unedited stuff when I couldn't take any more stress. At that point a dude chastised me for playing curse words in front of old folks but said I might as well play some T.I. now.)

Can you just let me hook up my iPod? I have all the jams
So you'd like to take over now?
*walks away with a confused look on her face*

It's time for the Electric Slide. NOW!
(she was over 70 years old so I wasn't about to argue with an elder. but when I got around to playing it, she had long since left the room, then came back angry that she'd missed it and demanded it be played again. I didn't comply, but not out of disrespect... folks were already getting their Cha-Cha slide on.)

These were all women (including the one asserting her possession of testes) at a family reunion. The men didn't say anything to me until I was packing up and rolling out. All they had to say was that I was great and did a fantastic job with a tough room. The dude who was paying for my services told me to disregard any complaints because he was happy and he was writing the check. That's what's up. And I did keep the dancefloor populated all night.

This was the first time I'd never been offered anything to eat or drink at a private gig. I set up and played during dinner and I was invisible. I wasn't about to butt in where I wasn't welcome so I just sat behind my dj table while everyone got their grub on. I was also invisible when I was humping all that gear down to the hotel lobby. I guess that's what it's all about when you're "the help".

I wonder if caterers, photographers and the like get this same treatment. In the sage words of my man DJ Statik, "...people just think of dj's like they think of fast food employees."

I've got a bathroom and a kitchen to remodel and I still don't have a car. I need the money.

Anyone looking for a wedding jock?

Stylus - 1:36 PM
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