URRYBODY'S A CRITIC....

But how many of these reviews aren't tainted by personal bias or even worse, record company funds?

Well, the POEM-CEES have the answer. Our newest member Daniel (toot toot - haaaaaaay - beep beep) Washington has been spending his 1st 4 weeks of life working on reviews for some of the days hottest releases. Bullish, you say? Check the modus operandi....

First to ensure all interfering factors are out of the equation, understand Daniel was CHANGED, FED & BURPED prior to each listening session. Now with a dry diaper, a full tummy & a comfortable seat near the CD player, we can record his responses to the music...

ANYTHING THAT HE WENT TO SLEEP ON HALFWAY THRU WAS DEEMED RELAXING & EARNED AT LEAST 2.5 RATTLES (OUT OF A POSSIBLE FIVE)

DIGABLE PLANETS "BLOWOUT COMB" - Daniel LOVED this CD with it's wide range of sounds & the emcees monotone delivery. His eyes shot around the room, trying to find the source of all the hubbub. FOUR & A HALF RATTLES

RONNY JORDAN "OFF THE RECORD" - I don't think Daniel's developed the sensibilites (or the attention span) to appreciate guitar solos yet. The grooves were nice enough, but after 3 songs he lost interest & decided to start chewing on his own hand. TWO RATTLES

RES "HOW I DO" - I didn't feel this CD at first listen, but Daniel made me change my tune after a 2nd spin. He lay there content, staring at the ceiling almost absorbing every word, so when I joined him on the floor & did the same, I caught some gems that I hadn't before. Thanks son! THREE RATTLES

MICHAEL JACKSON "INVINCIBLE" - Daniel & I had heard alot of good things about this CD. That it was more like "Off the Wall"than his previous offerings. We listened but We couldn't see it, so we're gonna have to listen to it a few more times. Yes, WE decided this. TWO RATTLES

D'ANGELO "VOODOO" - Daniel squirmed about uncomfortably for the first couple of tracks & by the time we got to "chicken grease", he was screaming his head off. I think it scared him. Scared me too when I first heard it. ONE RATTLE

THE BEAT GENERATION SERIES: JAY DEE - For some reason, Daniel liked this one the best out of all the CD's played so far. He made little gurgling sounds during some of the more angry sounding tracks & waved his arms around frantically during others. I just hope he's diggin the music & not the message...kids today.... FIVE RATTLES

THE BEAT GENERATION SERIES:PETE ROCK - I tried. I really did. I played it for his majesty four times & kept changing his diaper to make sure that he was sure, but Daniel Didn't Like It. Cried almost all the way through. Not enough variety for him, I think. Maybe I should have started him with "Mecca & the Soul Brother"... ZERO RATTLES

THE BEAT GENERATION SERIES:WILL I AM - He really liked this one & all the different sounds that came with it. I see that his thing is variety. In rhythm, song structure, vocal tone and instrumentation. He even flatulated along with the beat box track. THREE & A HALF RATTLES

DE LA SOUL "AOI:MOSAIC THUMP" - My boy has good taste. He liked De La, kept waving his arms around & looking aroung the room alertly, but I think he realized that this wasn't their best work, because he sat up & asked me afterwards "when's the BIONIX jont coming out?" Soon come, son.... THREE & A HALF RATTLES...OH, OKAY FOUR

CLASSICAL RELAXATION CD - He's been listening to this one since the womb, so It almost immediately puts him in a mellow mood & knocks him out before the first track finishes. Takes notice to Pachebels "Canon" & Mozarts "symphony #40". This one saves his daddy's sanity when he needs a break.... FOUR RATTLES

UNSPOKEN HEARD "SOON COME" - Again, loved the lush soundscape on this one. He damn near sang along with "B-BOY" & by the time we got to "Elevator Music" he was drifting off lovely... FOUR RATTLES

AALIYAH "AALIYAH" - Timbaland should record a childrens album, 'cause Daniel was feelin' this one all the way through. I believe his quote was, "ggggoooooooooooood". FOUR AND A HALF RATTLES

MAXWELL "NOW" - I'm such a hater, as much as Tami jocks Maxwell, I was hopin' that Daniel would vomit or something, but he liked it ok. Just sat there listening waving his arms & was asleep before it was over. I think I heard him say "da-da", hmmmm..... THREE RATTLES

MYSTIC "CUTS FOR LUCK & SCARS FOR FREEDOM" - The first track put us both to sleep. ZERO RATTLES

ASTRUD GILBERTO "FINEST HOUR" - This Latin Jazz songstress had his crib rockin happily for an hour . I think my bwoy has a thang for female vocalists (except for Mystic & MJ). FIVE RATTLES

DJ HI-TEK "HI TEKNOLOGY" - Cried for the 1st half (I was dissapointed, I wanted him to hear "Sun God") and went to sleep for the 2nd, so I don't know what to make of this one. TWO RATTLES

MELLO-D & THE RADOS "THE ULTIMATE TRUTH" - Daniel liked this one so much he actually SHAT upon himself he was so excited. The boys are dope. FOUR AND A HALF RATTLES

TAMARA WELLONS "FLY ME TO THE MOON" (UNRELEASED) - Mommys voice always soothes, & Uncle Kokayi's beats & Uncle Rhome's scratches together be the crib banger. FOUR & A HALF RATTLES

POEMCEES "IOU STREET" - screamed uncontrollably until I turned it off .... he's just tired, yeah that's it.....

Next: Daniel reviews his fave strip clubs

PIC!

blackpicasso - 11:16 AM
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12.7.2001